We just passed the three month anniversary of my brother’s passing and, to quote the late Jerry Garcia (one of my brother Gregory’s favorites), “I want to know, where does the time go?”
How could it have been three months? It’s still so surreal that my brother, my hero, is gone. The grief I’ve been experiencing as a result of his death hits me at odd times. Early on, back at the start of the summer, it was like a great big storm cloud hanging over my head. I had a hard time getting out of bed. In fact, all I wanted to do was sleep—all the time! Gradually, the clouds began to dissipate, but it seems like, no matter how sunny I’m feeling, they are always on the horizon, waiting to roll in without warning.
As if my brother’s passing wasn’t enough, Jimmy Buffett, an entertainer who my brother introduced me to, passed away a
few weeks ago. The memories (and sometime lack of memories) I have of my brothers, sister, and friends tailgating at Buffett shows and singing along to every word of every song are wonderful blessings that I will always treasure (the ones I remember anyway). Gregory, as our ringleader, made sure we were all well lubricated hours before the show because, well, much of the fun is in the parking lot.
This afternoon, while driving home from the grocery store, I was listening to Jimmy’s station, Radio Margaritaville, on SiriusXM and the DJ played a track from Buffett’s forthcoming album. I normally don’t cry when listening to a Jimmy Buffett song but this one, Bubbles Up, got me much like Slack Tide did last year. Here’s the first verse:
When this world starts a-reelin’
From that pressure drop feelin’
We’re just treading water each day
There’s a way to feel better
Be well set to weather
The storms ’til the sun shines again
When your compass is spinnin’
And you’re lost on the way
Like a leaf in the wind, friend
Hear me when I say
There have been various times in my life when I’ve felt as if I was lost and spinning around. While I do a good job staying calm under pressure (I’ve been told I’m a good coper, but know that isn’t something to brag about or desire on one’s tombstone), there have been times when I’ve felt lost, misunderstood, and as if I didn’t really matter. In my family of origin, I was the “easy” one. The good one. The one who could be counted on to do whatever was asked of him. I was taught at a young age to put the needs of others before my own and that mindset didn’t serve me well once I realized that I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of life—always putting myself last took a toll and I privately refer to this time in my life as my George Bailey phase. I had to do a lot of work on myself to help snap out of that and part of doing that was asking for help, something I’m notoriously bad at. I mean, people come to me asking for help. I’m the giver and being a “taker” was so antithetical to my conditioned nature. I had to change that way of thinking. Let’s hear what Jimmy has to say in his refrain about how to snap out of the way I was feeling.
Bubbles up
They will point you towards home
No matter how deep or how far you roam
They will show you the surface
The plot and the purpose
So, when the journey gets long
Just know that you are loved
There is light up above
And the joy is always enough
Bubbles up
When scuba diving, divers are taught to follow their bubbles to make their way back to the surface should they become disoriented underwater. There are two things I love about Jimmy’s poetry here; first, bubbles are the result of exhaling underwater and a reminder that, sometimes, all we have to do is breathe in order to make things better. Second, he mentions how the bubbles will point you towards home—which, for many of us, is a source of comfort. It’s ironic how we spend the first part of our lives growing up with the goal of leaving home and then reminisce on how comforting the notion of home is at times. Home, for many of us, represents love and warmth, and I appreciate how Jimmy reminds us that we are loved—and who doesn’t need to hear that from time to time? I know I do.
To my friends who are jolly
When melancholy knocks
Sometimes they let her in
To sit and share stories
Of flops and of glories
It ain’t half as bad as the bends
Sometimes living’s a struggle
Multiplied double
But they love it too much
For the party to end
Over the past few months there were times when I was having, what I’d call, a good Greg day. A day when I was able to focus more on the blessings I’ve had as a result of his being in my life vs. the sadness that his death left behind. But there are also times when the clouds, and melancholy, roll in and I’ll start crying wherever I am. When that happens, I know that I have to take a few deep breaths and work my way through it. What other advice does Jimmy have?
Let’s pop a cork
To the rough and the right
To the bright blazing days
And the sweet starry nights
Well, if there’s one thing my brother taught me, it’s how to enjoy a good bottle of wine (he also taught me how to tie my shoes but that’s a story for another time). So it’s only fitting that the last verse ends with popping a cork. I ask that you please join me in raising a virtual glass and acknowledge that it’s okay to feel down so long as you remember to breathe your way through it. Search inside for those happy times—maybe it’s the memory of time spent with a loved one or cool evenings gathered around a warm fire in your childhood home, or perhaps singing along to a simple Jimmy Buffett song. Instead of saying Cheers, Salud, or Slainte, join me in saying Bubbles Up!
Bubbles up
They will point us towards home
No matter how deep or how far we roam
They will show you the surface
The plot and the purpose
So, when the journey gets long
Just know that you are loved
There is light up above
And joy, there’s always enough
Bubbles up
Bubbles up
Bubbles up
