Awaken Your Sexuality: Vanessa Carlisle on Healing, Intimacy & Recovery

“My trauma is no longer telling me what to do every day the way that it once was.” Vanessa Carlisle

Dr. Vanessa Carlisle (they/them)—author, coach, educator, and longtime advocate for sex-working communities—joins me to explore healing after trauma, the complex overlap between sexuality and addiction recovery, and what it means to rebuild connection with self and others. We also discuss Vanessa’s end-of-life care work as a death doula, the role of grief in recovery, and their new book Awaken Your Sexuality: A Guide to Connection and Intimacy After Addiction and Trauma (co-authored with Dr. Stephanie Covington).

Recovery & sexuality must talk to each other. Addiction treatment often sidelines sex and intimacy; Vanessa argues healing is stronger when trauma work and sobriety/harm-reduction progress together.  An inclusive roadmap. Awaken Your Sexuality centers women, non-binary, and gender-expansive people—and makes space for those with or without substance/process addictions who still carry trauma’s imprint on intimacy.  Ditch the shame, keep the choice. Critiquing beauty culture isn’t a license to stigmatize personal choices (Botox, fillers, femininity); acceptance means honoring each person’s body story without sliding into trans- or fem-phobia.  Grief is part of sexual healing. Loss—of people, time, safety, or identity—often blocks connection. Naming and working through grief opens the door to pleasure, intimacy, and self-trust.  Lessons from end-of-life care. As a death doula, Vanessa notes common patterns near death (visions of loved ones, “trip” metaphors, altered communication) and offers reassurance to families navigating those moments.  Principled boundaries + language matter. Use people’s pronouns, respect lived experience, and couple personal history with research-driven practice to reduce stigma and improve care.  Support the ecosystem. Pre-order or purchase from independent bookstores to keep vital third places alive.

Buy Awaken Your Sexuality: A Guide to Connection and Intimacy after Addiction and Trauma