About This Episode
Sally Dukes is a psychotherapist, educator, and writer whose work centers on the power of story as a path to healing. At age three, Sally underwent open-heart surgery to treat a congenital heart disorder — and during the procedure, she had a near-death experience that would shape the rest of her life.
The nickname "drummer girl" came from the way her heart beat so loudly before the surgery. What follows is a lifelong pilgrimage — from New York to India to a forest monastery in Burma to a Greek island — all in search of understanding what happened in that operating room. Mike and Sally talk about near-death experiences, the healing power of writing, resilience in the face of trauma, and the courage it takes to finally tell your own story.
Key Takeaways
- Writing has always been her voice. Sally describes herself as "not very verbal" — writing was always a better form of expression, from high school journals to the memoir itself.
- A near-death experience at age three shaped her entire life. During open-heart surgery, Sally experienced a dark tunnel, a brilliant light, and an overwhelming feeling of love — an experience she spent decades trying to understand.
- The surgeon's elephant became a powerful symbol. When young Sally's nightmares wouldn't stop, her surgeon drew an elephant on a yellow notepad and told her to hang it over her bed. The elephant — keeper of memories, remover of obstacles — became a recurring motif in her life and her book.
- The memoir was built from a lifetime of journal entries. Sally's younger self gave her older self a gift — decades of writing that, when collated, all pointed to the same search for truth.
- Resilience matters more than the trauma. Sally hopes readers focus not on the trauma in her story, but on the resilience — and on the message that death is nothing to fear.
- You don't need to look outside yourself for answers. After traveling the world seeking confirmation of her experience, Sally ultimately realized she already knew her truth.
- Writing the book was cathartic — and freeing. Sally describes the process as "coming clean" — finally sharing a story she'd never told anyone, and feeling liberated by it.
